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weekend with the horsies

We just returned home from Albany, where we stayed with our friends so that we could all go up and spend our Saturday at the Saratoga Race Track for the 138th Travers. The horses were amazing to watch, and it was fun to relax with our buddies. It's a warm, lazy afternoon, and we're back in Lyndhurst: it's good to be home. All is well.

Dialogue on Creativity

Rail Service to Binghamton

Together, we can save Binghamton and the entire Southern Tier.

http://nyc.theoildrum.com/story/2006/9/2/204732/7715

Destroying Poverty

It is time to envision a utopia for humankind. A time in which the problems of existence are pondered by all as we work to uncover the universe’s mysteries. So many of the tools are already in place here and now, but we live with a horrific undertow that must be taken care of before our dreams can be achieved. In the meantime, then, we must focus our efforts on solving the real problems of the world in ways that everyone can live with. One of the central problems of the world is poverty. Many other problems grow out of it: lack of education, crime, drug use, disease, violence, hatred. In fact, I am beginning to see that all of the world’s major problems emerge from poverty.

A new thought is occurring to me now. Namely, that we live in a time of incredible opportunity – the opportunity to collectively progress towards a more utopian existence. The cataclysm of climate change is at hand, and we must find ways to assuage these changes and adapt to them, or we must perish. Here, then, is the chance to unite under one cause – to work towards a greater good. If we can include all nations in this quest, all nations will feel as brothers, which, well, they are, anyway.

Poverty, though. From which human condition, or which psychological truism does it emerge? Perhaps it emerges from our innate need for leadership. We need someone stronger, smarter, more decisive and in the know, to look to in our lives. We need it! We organize our society around that need – what principle but that is the lynchpin of a government’s authority? The problem of leadership is that those being led defer to the leader, and transfer some of their power to him/her. By shifting some of the burden of decision-making and responsibility, the individual is free to proceed with other matters; the flip side of that coin, however, is that the individual ceases to THINK about certain matters; the individual ceases to consider the crossroads of life with the same urgency – and, I would argue, clarity, therefore – as they would if they were solely responsible for their survival and lot in life. In other words, the individual is enabled to enter a certain comfort zone by transferring power to a leader. A system emerges out of that comfort zone – a way of life. That system is reinforced by those who succeed in the system. Those who fall behind as a result of their loss of power, or their loss of conscious consideration of all of their affairs, lose, then, even more of their power, as they have had whatever leverage in society they may have previously possessed disappear. Left behind without capital or the resources – intellectual, familial, educational, and otherwise – to alter their thinking to a “successful” way of thinking, they spiral ever further down.

There is a certain kernel of desire that must exist in a person if he is to seek improvement in his life. It is for that reason that the world-wide condition of poverty is so extremely dire. So deeply rooted is the current poverty weed that it has all but crushed that kernel asunder. The “do-able” problem, so to speak (the essence of the problem that we can actually physically do something about, or at least, figure out a plan of attack) is, then, how do we instill that kernel into our brethren? How do we kindle the spark that sets the machinery of the mind and soul in motion? Simply giving someone money doesn’t prime the pump sufficiently. We must find a way to open minds on an epic scale – to implant the desire to seek new ideas and new perspectives, and to examine one’s life and thoughts and opinions in a thoughtful, truthful manner. We must find a way to reinforce the values of growth through LEARNING and OPEN-MINDEDNESS on a scale heretofore never seen! Education was once the privilege of the elite. We have a public school system that supposedly addresses that atrocity, but it doesn’t work. Why? Apathy? Misallocation of resources? A lack of SPARK and COMMUNICATION in the teachers themselves? It is immaterial, I assert, which party gets the blame, for, in truth, all parties are deserving of blame. All parties, therefore, must rise up and make up their minds to change. And as soon as that happens, change will occur. Until that happens, the chasm between haves and have-nots will grow, and the great travesty, that great weed, Poverty, will deepen its roots evermore, crushing the Kernel of Life into an even further-shattered kind of inert submission.

A way forward

How? How are we to move forward in our lives? How can we embrace the seeming-platitudes of good advice and launch into action? I feel that I must answer that question with another seeming-platitude: the true answer to “how” lies in the individual. All I know in this regard is that moments preceding action are full of energy. Generally, we’re not used to such rushes of energy and thought and inner electricity, so these can be overwhelming experiences that can, in turn, produce fight-or-flight reactions. The key is to acknowledge the rising tide of energy and simply LEAP. The best and most concrete way I know how to describe the process is through a metaphor. Imagine you have climbed to the top of a cliff with the intention of diving off into a deep pool of water below you. You ascend the cliff, peer over the edge, and, perceiving your altitude and the chasm below you, react strongly, one way or another (each of us deals with these emotions differently – some of us verbalize them, others internalize them, etc.). Your ultimate goal, however, is to jump into the water below – and here’s where the process becomes individual. What I DO know to be universal, however, is that if your desire and fixation on that goal of jumping into the water is strong enough, you will ultimately jump. Right? And the jump – the moment that you allow your momentum to carry you, finally, off the safety of the cliff’s edge – requires abandon, doesn’t it? It requires a moment of near-insanity, in fact: your emotions are manipulating your logic fanatically in that moment, telling you in no uncertain terms that you need to stay on the cliff; that it’s the smart thing to do. So you really have to buck your frantic reason – to have the courage to tell your brain “no” in that moment. And why is it OK to tell your logic – otherwise a very useful and trustworthy tool in your existence – no? Because, prior to ascending that cliff, you examined your wish, saw the steps needed to accomplish it, and set those steps in motion. In other words, you did your homework using your – you guessed it – logic, free and clear of extreme circumstances. The rush of emotion and reaction you feel at the top of the cliff is a defense mechanism – it’s fear. You have to trust your research – trust yourself – in those moments of fear. You have to know that, once you step out into the void – so seemingly opaque from the wings – that you’ll know exactly what to do, and how to behave.

A need to consider

Let’s get to the essence of things together. I invite you to initiate discussion as you see fit. If something – anything, be it a personal or hypothetical matter – is gnawing at you, won’t let you sleep at night, or is on your mind, please bring it up. We humans have much to learn from one another: the spirit of generosity is a great provider. In giving, we receive validation, and are able to move even further forward. In listening and receiving, we are able to sometimes unearth those muted difficulties that escape the blunted attention of our gray-scaped lives. I believe that there is infinite possibility in humanity that is waiting to be uncovered – much as if there was a river of jewels embedded in the soil just inches below our feet, oblivious to our fleeting attentions. The problems – the mundane, nagging, day-to-day problems – of our lives, dislodged, would, I think, become agents of true freedom! Think of the revelatory moments of your life. A new bit of information suddenly changes everything about the way you previously thought about things, and your perspective is renewed. We are part of a creation story here – that’s a fact. We’re born, we grow, mature, wither, and die. And it happens every day, slowly, to each of us. And it has happened that way since the dawn of life in this Universe. And it will continue to happen after our individual times have passed. My point is that Creation is the natural procedure of life – it’s the wave we’re all riding, whether we know it or not. Acknowledge it, embrace it, and help us to recreate our perspectives. I think that, with others’ help and aid, we can constantly reinvent ourselves, renew ourselves, re-create ourselves. In that regard, our lives will become the ultimate garden if we achieve that freedom, and we will walk among the fruits of our garden, harvesting and pruning and sowing in kind.

It is my belief – and the belief of many others, I think – that there is a distinct lack of discussion and exchange of ideas in this world. Too many companies of people exist to further the interests of a very select few. I am not anti-capitalist by any means, but I think that our world is failing to identify a glaring need in the global economy: the intellectual and spiritual need. We must cater to that element of ourselves, I believe, if we are to complete ourselves and move forward.

A new turn

This will be a new beginning of human understanding. We will seek truth and meaning together, and help one another grow in kind. The essence of all matters must be ascertained if we are to have true knowledge of our environment, and only with true knowledge can we proceed in our evolution. I invite you to join in these discussions of great import that we might all profit by them, and move forward individually and collectively.

Truly, the world we construct for ourselves, in the vein of popular culture at least, is a trap. Life has ceased to be about a search for meaning and understanding, if it ever was. My assertion is that we humans are capable of actualizing a vast and awe-inspiring undiscovered country; to do so, we must put the goals of truth, understanding, and knowledge in our crosshairs – at the very core of our attention.

structure

Too often of late have I felt aimless in my writing. Too often have I put paper to pen and been dissatisfied, even repulsed, by what I say. I think I’ve found the remedy, however, in the subtle recollection of an old lesson long since forgotten. The answer to my milquetoast writing is, simply, structure.

It suddenly occurred to me just now that when I followed a specific essay structure in school, writing was a cinch, and it was enjoyable, furthermore. Almost paradoxically, when I was bound by structure, the expressive part of my mind was free to produce. In a sense, writing essays in school was like doing a paint-by-numbers painting, except in my case I had total freedom in each color’s selection. The borders of such a drawing are what ultimately give the picture shape and render it recognizable - so did the "borders" of the essay render my thoughts readable.

Sometimes it’s good to write for oneself only – to write something that you, only, can recognize. After a time, though, such writing – especially when practiced exclusively – begins to feel unfulfilling and masturbatory. That is where I found myself, and, despite my efforts – maybe because of them – I ceased to feel joy when I wrote. So I repeat: structure is the key to an effective, comprehensive, creative piece of work. Structure – so simple, so foolish have I been to forget it! – will bring my joy back to me.

spit-fire

I am going to publish a bunch of small essays that I rattled off in the week or so preceding our move to New Jersey. I'm proud of their clarity, and I'm excited by what they did for my spirit.

-N

reminiscing already

Friends came together this past weekend, but we didn't know each other well until we said goodbye. Isn't that the way when you're enjoying the company of friends? The fire and the woods; the beer cans and picnic tables; the coolers, the cars, the pine needles, the laughter.

It was good to open up further to those people, and it was good to be opened up to by them. Now we know it's safe to maintain eye contact, and it's safe to have a conversation lasting more than three or four sentences. We can untether ourselves collectively and smile in the knowledge that we can relax among friends.

Wander

The title of this post is "wander," and it's appropriate. My life has felt like an obstacle course lately. And it's not one I bought a ticket for. It's one of those nightmarish courses you find yourself in and can't get out of. Nothing feels right; nothing is on track, and I just want it all to go away, please.

It sickens me to realize that my pointless ramblings will fall on a deaf virtual world. There are millions of bloggers out there all clamoring to be heard, and I'm sick of clamoring for anything. It makes me loathe this medium even as I use it. Why do I endeavor to "blog?" Why don't I instead keep my thoughts to myself in my personal journals? The answer, of course, is that I'm ambitious. As much as I talk about being sick of it all, I still reserve hope that someone somewhere will stumble across my words and, thunderstruck, ask to see more... It's my dream.

I can't believe that my dreams are still alive. Just a few hours ago, I was pretty sure - quite damn sure - that my dreams were dead, and that I dreamt no more. I was pretty sure that my life had morphed into a shade of gray, filled only with committments and chores and obligations. That's what it feels like: like my life is full of things I don't want to do. God, I'm sick of myself right now! These fucking mundane things, these colorless, odorless thoughts. Why would anyone want to read this? Why would anyone do anything but recoil from this? People - sane people seeking entertainment, no doubt - would have long since ceased to read this, I shouldn't wonder.

So that's my point, really, in all this: what's the point? I know it's been asked before, and in many creative and eloquent terms at that, but really: what's the point? I used to believe that God had put me here for a really important purpose, and that if I continued to follow my intuition, then I'd find myself on the path to fulfilling that righteous purpose. Doesn't everyone feel that way, though? So it can't be true. If everyone thinks he's special, then...do the math. It's too much - it's too much! It's terrible! Is this what it is? Is it spreadsheets and temp jobs and interviewing for more spreadsheets and temp jobs and shaking hands with evil pitbull shark-attack Briton HR bitches? Ambling through lobbies of big tall buildings and giving my orders to black/hispanic front desk security guards and then ascending in slick elevators with tv screens in them to distract riders from each other? Is that what this is? I used to at least delude myself into thinking that this all supported some endeavor - now it's all for naught! It's for money, only. I like money, don't get me wrong, but it's not enough, I'm finding. Not enough. I need more. I'm a vacuum; I'm an endless appetite. Nothing satisfies me - I need more!!!!!